they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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