I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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