i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
