I need help removing her.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
