its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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