You smell like stripper and shame
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
