shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
