I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
