I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
