It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
