i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
