Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I party with great urgency now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
