she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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