Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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