The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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