Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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