Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
