Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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