I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
