I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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