you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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