Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
