thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
