I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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