You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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