He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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