He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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