Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
