I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
