Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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