..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i came on her dog
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
