drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
