Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
