I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
