we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
