I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
