I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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