Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
