two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
