my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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