I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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