Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
