that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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