well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
