My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
