Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
