the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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