I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
