She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
