its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
