So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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